The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering

when you are not.

12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in

dancing like an ass.

11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring

story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like

thish.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers

are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell

happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll

over in the morning and see something really scary.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable

rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are

tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named

Chuck.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are

invisible.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing WITH you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space

continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to

literally disappear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE

pregnancy. Remember, you’re not really drunk if you can still hold onto

the floor.